Love for My Mysterious Ninja
by Ymir-chan
Summary: Kakashi didn't know whether to live or die, but a shadowed little girl with innocent words might be able to give him reason. Twoshot 13 years later, can he accept her?
1. To Find Reason

**Love for My Mysterious Ninja**

**Fist part: To Find Reason **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor do I own much of anything. The proof is in the name. Ever heard of me? Didn't think so.**

**This is my first Naruto fan fiction and I hope every one enjoys it. This will be a two-shot, a before and after kind of concept. Though not really, just two similar occurrences at two different times with the same characters.**

**Summery: Kakashi didn't know whether to live or die, and had nothing left in life. But a small, shadowed girl with innocent words and soft touches might be able to show him he is loved by some one still alive.**

_**To find reason and acceptance shows you the way to happiness.**_

**Kakashi's point of view**

XxX

It was as though I was trying to die. Maybe I wanted to, but was it right? After he died and I was given the damned cursed eye, I feel as though I'm torn between life and death. Should I die like I was supposed to that night, or live like He wants me to?

Who do I have left? A few friends, Genma and Asuma, Anko and Iruka, I know there's more. The ones I loved the most and were dearest to me are gone, died either by their own hand or saving mine. They all died.

I wonder why my body is as strong as it is. If I were weaker and killed in battle, would they hate me if I saw them on the other side? If I died in battle, they would understand, but what if I just let myself die without trying? I would hate to see their faces if I did. But is that worth living in this sorrow? This pain that puts my chest in chains and squeezes my heart? My body aches, my soul and head throb. Is this even living?

My feet dragged as I slowly made my way through the trees. The outskirts of Konoha were filled with trees as far as the grass country. I could get lost here and never return to the ninja life. What's a tool worth if the tool is uncertain?

Nothing.

I could see the village's lights not to far away. They shone bright enough to illuminate the leaves surrounding me. The hollow sound of wind brushing leaves was depressing and seducing. Dust in the wind? Souls to the air? Could I find peace, to let the faces of my comrades and friends rest?

I doubt I could ever be free of the anguish. Pain this strong is not easily forgotten or ignored.

My body is tired and blood seeps through my clothes reminding me of my condition. The mission I had just accomplished was blurry and I couldn't remember what it was that I had done. What kind of ninja am I?

I have to sit as my energy finally fails me. I collapse against the smooth bark of a slanted tree. It was like the tree was made for me. The soft earth cushioned my dead weight and the tree curved and supported around my back and body. I could sit here forever and never want to leave. I could almost feel it comforting me, brushing at my cheek with soft fingers.

And I relaxed. A measure of peace. I could feel myself slipping into another world, death I hoped, but knew it was sleep. I hadn't slept well in a long time. I looked foreword to succumbing to darkness with no faces or blood.

And I could still feel the soft brush of something against my cheek. But what was it?

My awareness heightened and I realized I was not alone. As quickly as my broken body could, I pushed myself foreword and drew my last kunai on them. I couldn't see the figure, but the small surprised cry was from a small girl.

I lowered my weapon and slumped back against the tree. The adrenaline rush completely exhausted what was left of my energy. This wasn't much in the first place. My body seemed to awaken and pain assaulted me at every wound. I hissed as broken bones pushed against straining skin. I hadn't realized the actual damage done to my body as my mind was consumed in agony. Which would be better, body or mental pain?

"I'm sorry, but are you alright?" Her voice was soft and uncertain. She couldn't be more then a small child. I glanced over to her trying not to move. She was young, no more then five or four. She had on a small strapped night dress that went to her knees. Her hair was short and wisped around her shoulders in the slight breeze. I couldn't tell the color in the dark, but it was light as was her dress.

But her eyes. The moon and village lights in the distance were bright enough to put a soft glow to her lovely emerald eyes. I can't remember the last time I had seen eyes so innocent and beautiful. It was like looking at a shadowed creature with illuminated green eyes. It scared you, yet drew you. To flee or bask in loving glare of green?

I couldn't go anywhere in my condition.

"What are you doing out here?" I ask. She giggled softly and points up to the canopy of leaves above us.

"The sakura blossoms are falling tonight. I like to come out here when they fall in the moonlight. But I saw you, and you looked hurt, and sad." Her voice grew mellow as she looked at my bloody body. "When my daddy comes home hurt, mamma touches his face, so I thought I would try to make you feel better. It helps daddy."

I smile as she digs her toe in the ground and hides her hands behind her back. "I'm sorry if I made you mad."

"No, you didn't make me mad. I just didn't know you were there. Thank you though, for your concern."

Slowly, she walks closer to my side and pulls the wrapping bandages from her leg. It's a ninja fashion to wrap your arm or leg up, but to see the girl with it was odd. She was either from a family of ninja, or just liked the look. Would she someday be a tool like I am?

I was jerked from my musings as she started to wrap the bandage around one of the gashes on my arm. I pulled away from her and she jerked forewords. "Don't," I growled. "You shouldn't stain your hands with my blood." She looked hurt for a moment, and then her green eyes lit up with anger.

"Baka, I won't be staining my hands with anything if I am using them to save. Destroying stains and saving cleanses. That's what my mamma says. She's a medical ninja and she would know." I couldn't utter a word as she takes my arm again with more strength and continues bandaging my arm. For such a young girl, she is smart. And good with wounds.

I flex my arm a bit to test her work and surprisingly it's good. Tight enough to staunch the bleeding but loose enough not to hinder the wound's healing. "Thank you," I reply softly.

Her words are still circling my mind. Do I destroy, or do I save? Both, I decide. If I die now, would that be right? Shouldn't I live and protect Konoha to repent for the friends I let die? Would that bring me peace?

"Why are you so sad?"

"Because those I love are dead." I am surprised that I answered her. Her voice, so close to my ear, was like an innocent conscience. I find myself still hearing her soft voice whisper words of prosperity and peace. It makes me want to find sweet peace.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Can I make you feel better?" She looks at me and I lose myself in her green orbs again. Can I let any one in just yet? If I lost them, would I die more inside?

"I don't think you can do any thing. They all die in the end, leaving me with no one to love, or be loved." I push myself forewords to lean on my bent up knee. I feel so desperate, so lost. I loved them so much, needed them, and now that they're gone, I have nothing but my ninja obligations. The girl sits next to me and leans softly against my side.

"I love you, and I'm right here. If you ever feel lonely or unloved, just remember that I will love you. Even if you never see me again, just remember that somewhere I'm alive and still loving you." I don't know what to feel with the girl saying she loves me. She is a baby, a little thing. But I want to believe her.

"You're too young to be loving me." I say a bit unnerved. Why do I feel like a pedophile? I haven't done anything! I swear I have no idea how to handle this. What the hell do I do?

"No I'm not." She said matter-of-factly. "I love my family; I love my friends, my village and home, my pets and the trees. And now I love you too. You're my new friend." She smiled and laughed as she latched onto my arm, careful of the wound. Her exuberance was a welcome sight and I felt my own smile and chuckle. I could really like this girl. And she made the chains on my chest seems less constricting. Is this what a real breath is like? I inhaled the scent of forest and cherry blossoms. Whether from the trees or the girl beside me, I'm not sure.

"Ok, well you can call me friend if you like, but I doubt we would ever see each other again."

"That's alright. Oh," She put her hand to her mouth and smiled shyly. "I never asked you your name."

"How about we stay strangers in the shadows. It's more mysterious that way."

She looked confused, and maybe hurt. I cursed myself until she giggled and smiled again. "Ok!" She pumped her arm into the air and giggled again. "My mysterious ninja friend." I liked that, ninja friend. Her friend.

She stood suddenly, and grabbed the kunai I had earlier threatened her with. I turned as she crouched behind me and started carving in the bark of the tree I had leaned against. She hummed as she worked, and it was to dark for me to see. She laughed again and stood up. "This can remind you, that you are loved. So if you ever need me, or comfort, you can just come back here and know that some one does love you. Ok?"

I turned to see her work, but it was too dark. With a few hand signs, I lit a small fire in my palm and held it up against the bark. I had a feeling that I would be coming to this spot again.

_S.H. Loves M.N_

_Forever_

She is just too cute. I feel myself wishing that after tonight, I will see her again. But I know I can't. As much as I would love it, I wouldn't want to lose her, or her lose me. Death could destroy such a young child. I could die any day now, and so could she.

"You should be getting home now. It's really late, and dangerous." I lean back against the tree and swear I feel warmer, more free. Like she put a piece of her self in the message for me.

"I can't leave you all alone. You're still hurt." I can see tears pool in her green eyes and almost want to let her stay. But I can't let my self grow too attached to her. I am not yet ready.

"I will be fine, I promise. In fact, you can even come back here tomorrow to make sure I'm gone. A ninja doesn't die so easily." The last was a bull faced lie, but it would ease her worries, if only for tonight. "So go on home and get some sleep." I smiled as best I could through my mask, but she smiled too, so I think she saw.

She surprised me again as she leaned forewords and kissed my cheek. I was stunned, to say the least, and a bit embarrassed. It was such an innocent kiss, and innocence was so foreign to me. But I liked it. The warm feeling that rushed through my soul completely doused the anguish and sorrow that boiled there. It made my world seem so much more pure.

I really did feel loved, and I promised myself that I would keep living and protecting, for the sake of innocence, for peace. For the love of all those who love.

She started to skip away, and I watched as more shadows covered her, until she stopped and turned towards me. Even in the dark, her green eyes still shone so bright. "You know, when my daddy gets sad or wants to take his mind off stuff, he reads his favorite book. Mamma says it's a dirty habit, but I like reading. Maybe you should give it a try. He likes to read something like Come Come Present or something like that. I can't read, but I heard mamma say it a few times. It could make you happy like it does daddy!" With a wave goodbye, she skipped off and completely disappeared.

I thought for a minute, and then grunted in laughter. Interesting reading material, Come Come Paradise. I really hadn't read much before for enjoyment, but I heard that if you really get involved with the story, you feel like you're in the story. I could take her advice, I suppose, and who knows, maybe it might work.

I sit at the tree for a while longer, waiting until my bleeding completely stops. I still picture the girl in my mind as I rest, wondering if I will ever see her again. I suppose I will, seeing as anything could happen. I don't know what she looks like, or her name, but that's probably for the best. Just after one meeting, I am completely attached to her.

All I know is that she has the most beautiful green eyes I have ever seen and the initials S and H. There are most likely hundreds of girls with green eyes and those initials. But for now, I guess that's ok.

Like a hidden little angel to bring me from my darkness and give me a purpose. A meaning to life. For that girl, and for other such innocent and pure souls, I will keep on fighting and living to protect them.

Finally, I feel like I can move enough to get back to the village. I might just be able to sleep tonight with out the faces and blood reaping my mind. I might just be able to find a sense of peace.

I grab my discarded kunai and start to stand when I look back at the reassuring message. I don't know why, but I want to give her a clue to who I am, as she gave to me. So I write my own little note to her.

_I'll remember_

_K.H._

And I smile, one that I haven't done in a long time. A real, joyful, and free smile. Besides the memorial, I believe this tree is going to be a spot I visit just as often. In happy times, and when I need support and comfort.

It's because some one who still lives, loves me.

_Continue, because living needs more then reason. Go find it._

XxX

**Thank you for reading my first Naruto Fic! Yay me! It's not a secret who the little girl is, even if it's obvious, Kakashi doesn't know so it's still a mystery to him. And if any one thinks that Kakashi is being pedophilic, then I don't want to hear it. He is a little freaked out at first, but the little girl shows him a different kind of love. The love of friends, of human beings. The love that gives people the courage to keep on living, because they have some one behind them, urging them, giving them hope. That is the kind of love the girl shows Kakashi. **

**And incase you're wondering, Kakashi is 19ish, and the girl is around five. He is mainly living through ANBU work, sick with survivors' guilt and the wish to end it all. He doesn't know why he still lives, and therefore, can't find a reason to keep going. **

**If any one has questions, just ask me. I am just a little nervous about this whole thing. I am not sure I got his character right, or even if it flows well enough. It was done in a bit of a hurry. Garr. Well, thank you if you would review, and the second half should be out within a few days. It is under review.**

**Thanks again,**

**Laters**

**Ymir-chan **


	2. To Accept

**Love for My Mysterious Ninja**

**Last part: To accept**

**Disclaimer still applies. **

Wow, never have I felt so welcome and supported. The reviews, gave me courage to maybe, someday, write more on the Copy Nin. Thank you, all of you. I can't say how much your reviews meant to me. -crys from happiness-

_**Happiness can take many steps and time to find. With some effort, you might find it. **_

**Still in Kakashi's view**

**Thirteen years later**

XxX

I could almost feel myself drawn from my sleep as some one prodded my side. I tried to ignore it, but then I realized that if I was thinking to myself, then obviously I was already pretty much awake.

Damn lucidness.

I groaned and stretched exaggeratedly to show the sleep intruder that I was tired and still sleepy, but they still poked at me, only with more force.

"Wake up, Kakashi; you said you would help me train. This is not helping." No shit it's not helping. What ever she was poking me with was going to break if it didn't stop. I'm already awake.

"Alright, I'm awake. And it was such a peaceful dream too." I was slumped against a tree that wasn't to comfy. My back was stiff and my ass felt flat from sitting on flat ground for too long. My neck had a crick in it, and I was not a good morning person. Screw the fact it wasn't morning, I had just woken up so it's the same damn concept.

"I can only imagine what kind of dream it was when you fall asleep reading that rubbish." Sakura sneered. I smiled up to her and patted my book.

"It's not rubbish, and it wasn't that kind of dream. Any ways, a cute little girl told me I should start reading it, and I did. So it's not my fault." I feel my gut twist as I thought of her. It had been so long, that I can hardly remember what she looked like. I just know her eyes are green, and she wore a little night gown. If I try, sometimes I can hear what her voice sounded like. But it's difficult. Dreaming of that night again gave me a sense of intense nostalgia. It was times like these that I wished I knew who she was.

She would be almost a grown woman by now.

"Then she mustn't have known what kind of book it was." She crouched down next to me and picked up the book, looking at its cover and back. "How long have you been reading this junk?" I plucked the book out of her hands and stood up, pocketing my precious. I wanted to go _there_. To trace the almost invisible words that were carved for me that night. I hadn't been there since Sasuke returned.

Just thinking of that night, made me feel old. At thirty-two, most ninja who lived as harsh as I have wouldn't be alive. But here I am, and with teenage former students. If it weren't for her, then I probably would have died long ago.

But now, I have more to be thankful for. My former students are a blessing in disguise. They were unbearable and ignorant when I became their teacher, but I have watched them grow, and feel as if I have more people to love.

Naruto grew the most, in my opinion. After Sasuke returned to the village, he went from chuunin to jounin. Sasuke was right behind him, being unable to take the test for a time for probation reasons. Naruto is still as loud and stupid as ever, but any one who knows him, knows that he has matured greatly in the last few years. He and Hinata were dating and thinking of marriage, and I think with his strength now, he is sure to become Hokage.

Sasuke has had a pretty hard life. And I can understand his reasons for going with Orochimaru. But I'm just glad he came back alive. It wasn't the same without him. When he left, the team broke up. Naruto went off with Jiraiya, and Sakura went with Tsunade. I buried myself in missions and searching for the missing Uchiha, leaving my other students to their new teachers. When he finally came back, I was amazed at the strengths of all three young adults. They were all so strong. Strong enough to reach jounin levels at the age of seventeen. But I think both Sakura and Naruto stayed chuunin for a year so Sasuke could catch up. They are the best of friends. We are all friends. Equal Jounin ninja.

I looked at Sakura, who had a funny look on her face. I guess I had been standing here for a while now. I look at her again, and wonder for not the first time, that if Rin would have lived, would she be as beautiful as Sakura. She was third top medical ninja and master genjutsu controller. Her hair had grown longer and was pinned back with two senbon. Her weapon of choice was a kunai attached to a thick wire, meeting up with detachable razor stars and continuing on the wire until it wrapped around her wrist a few times and into a leather pouch on her forearm. It's a weapon of her own design, and very deadly. Her leaf headband was around her neck instead of her head. She portrayed a seducing kunoichi with her silk red kimono. The sleeves were long and layered with clear satin, and a black skirt which was overlapping another light pink skirt that pooled at her ankles. She looked very woman in her outfit, yet could fight unhindered in it. You'd be amazed the amount of weapons she could hide in all those layers. She would strap a sword to her sash on missions, and had necklace and earring shaped kunai which could be used as a weapon or fashion. Either way, she stood out with her deadly arsenal and beauty.

Sakura had her own style, techniques, and shinobi way. Her love for Sasuke was no longer romantic, but more of a brotherly type. The same for Naruto, though she still found her fist meeting his face a little too often. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

"How long are you just going to stand there? You said you would train with me." I snapped out of my muses and caught her green gaze. More nostalgia tightened in my chest. I had wondered, at first, if Sakura could have been that little girl that night. The initials S and H, and the green eyes, but I had also met a young girl around her age with the name Sasaki Hanna who also had green eyes. As I thought before, the girl could be any one.

"I think you can manage on your own. You're skilled enough to apply for ANBU, and you don't need my help." I give her thumbs up and used my transportation jutsu before she could say anything. I didn't want her to ask where I was going. It has been a secret of mine for almost thirteen years.

As I came upon the tree, I stopped first, like I always do, and read the carved words from so long ago. I let the message give me hope and strength and fill my heart with love. If I had only let her tell me her name, could we be friends right now? Would I go to her in my pain instead of a tree?

I sit in my usual spot and imagine the small child beside me. Of course, she wouldn't be small any more. She would be Sakura's age. But that is how I remember her, and that is how she will stay, if I never see her again.

The sun slips behind the tree line, and darkness slowly shrouds the land. I like it best at night. I can remember her better at night.

I close my eyes and think of her, slowly letting sleep claim me. I want to relive that night, to see and hear her again. As I feel myself drifting, I can already hear her soft voice and touch.

XxX

I waited by the bridge like every other day, reading my book. I have read all three enough times that I can repeat all of them fully word for word from memory. I have even done it once. Genma had bet me thirty that I couldn't. Well, I am a tidbit richer.

I was waiting for Sakura to meet me for training. After I ditched her last week, she made me promise, on threat of death that I would spar with her today. And here I am, and she is late.

It was odd to be the one waiting. I was an hour late as it was, but she still isn't here. I could only guess that she is still working at the hospital.

I sighed and continued to read. I am glad I took the advice to start reading it. Even after all the times I've read it, it still amuses me. And pisses every one else off. Which just makes it all the better.

I feel like I had been standing here forever, which I probably have since it was starting to get darker. I started to worry about her. What could be taking so god damned long?

As much as I hate the hospital, I decide that if I am to find the girl, I should probably look there first. She wouldn't stand me up, so what could have happened to take this ridiculous amount of time?

I sigh again and pocket my book. I wasted half my day and I would like to know why.

As I enter the bloody place, I realize something did happen. The halls were crammed with nurses and ninja running from place to place shouting medical stuff and such. Ninja on gurney beds were wrapped up and hooked to needles and such.

A mission gone wrong, maybe?

The smell of sterile blood makes me want to vomit, but I hold my breath and walk to the receptionist at the front desk. "Excuse me, but where is Sakura Haruno?" The young woman looks at me and shrugs her shoulders.

"She left about an hour ago. After the most critical were treated, Tsunade forced her to leave. I think she had an emotional breakdown because she left in a hurry and still covered in blood." I was out the door after that and ran to her house.

I pounded at her door, almost breaking it with my fists before I broke the hinges and went inside. The house was completely empty with no sign of her being there in the last few hours.

I began to worry. If she had gone to Naruto, he would have given me a message some how. And Sasuke would have told her to go to me or Naruto. She wasn't at the bridge, or the memorial, which I had passed on my way to town, and she wasn't at a friend's house. She really wouldn't go to any one besides me or Naruto anyways.

I could feel my nerves on end as I ran about town. I couldn't find her anywhere and no one I asked had seen her all day. As a last resort, I pulled a scroll from my flak and cut my thumb with a kunai.

"Kyuichose No Jutsu!"

As Pakkun appeared, I felt my self calm a bit. Pakkun can find any one. Surely he will find Sakura. He had to find her.

"Why do you have to call me at the most particular times? I was just laying down for a nap." He stopped and looked at me. "What's got you looking so pale? What happened?" He asked. I didn't have time to give him any details. The longer we waited, the more worried I became. The crazier I felt.

"I need you to find Sakura. Fast." I pushed my hands at him impatiently trying to convey that I needed him to move, now. I was acting out of sorts, but I could feel it, something was seriously wrong.

Pakkun gave me a side look and put his nose to the ground and started sniffing. As he stopped and took off into the forest, Idarted after him right on his tail, literally. (pun I know.)

As we got further into the forest, I knew that Sakura must have just run. Must have ran from something. She was upset, and I wanted to know why.

Sakura had long ago learned to deal with shinobi life. She had killed her fair amount of nin and seen her share of death. She was a tough kunoichi, so what could have her freaking out in the hospital?

The village was far behind us as I started to recognize just where we were headed. I had traveled this same path numerous times to know it led strait to my secret tree. Was it just coincidence, or did she want to come here?

"How far up ahead is she?" I asked

"Just about a hundred meters."

I stopped and Pakkun turned around to sit at my feet. "Thank you Pakkun, but I think I can take it from here." He nodded his droopy face and disappeared in a cloud of smoke. I waited a few seconds to catch my breath and calm down. I didn't want to run into her looking like death was at my heals. If she was upset, she would need me to be composed and strong for her.

Jumping into the trees, I slowly made my way to where I knew Sakura would be. As I landed on a branch not to far from the tree, I was startled as I felt an intense amount of chakra release and the tree I had been standing on lurched and cracked, shattering into pieces. I jumped away safely and looked down to see a crying Sakura with bloody fists and dried blood covered clothes. She was in her medical uniform, the white shirt and pants soaked with drying blood. My throat tightened and I felt vomit on my tongue. I hated to see her with blood, but I knew I should expect it. A ninja never stayed clean for long.

There were a number of trees shattered and broken on the forest floor, and I suspected she had been taking out her emotions for a while now. If only I had gotten here sooner.

I stayed hidden for a while longer, watched as she collapsed from exhaustion and continued her crying. Soft, chest heaving sobs that broke my heart. She hadn't cried in so long. I had forgotten that she was still so young, still had a soul.

I jumped down by her and watched as she jumped, startled to see me. She looked at me with tear stained green eyes and I crouched next to her. We just stared at each other, not moving or saying any thing. It was still, and I knew she was waiting for me to do something. She looked scared, like I would yell at her. Or get angry.

Slowly, I reached my hand over to her face and wiped a falling tear from her cheek. It broke the spell as she launched herself onto my chest and cried harder. Her sobs jerked my own body, and I could only imagine what it did to her own. I cradled her to me as I wrapped one arm under her knees and picked her up, walking her over to the tree I loved, glad she hadn't attacked it. I leaned down against the groove and let her curl herself against my lap.

The night sky was dark, a few stars dotted the sky, but the moon outshone them all. The leaves were illuminated in its light and I felt a since of déjà vu. Only a little different. Here I was, comforting a green eyed girl in the same spot at night. Sakura could be that little girl tonight.

As she calmed down, she relaxed her tight curl and slumped against me, her legs stretched out with mine and her head leaning on my flak. Her arms were limp at her sides and I could feel her slightly labored breath. I pulled her hair from her face and wrapped it up in her usual senbon bun.

She smelled of cherry blossoms.

"Shinobi are not to show their emotions, no matter what." I say, a bit monotone, but I wanted to see what she would do. She just sat there, and nodded her head.

"I know, but I did some thing terrible. I don't deserve to be a ninja." Her chest jerked in a suppressed sob, and I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulled her tighter against me. I hated it when she cried.

"What did you do, that was so bad?"

I wait, I wait for her to take a breath and gather her courage. With another sob, she latched onto my arms with hers and bowed her head in agony. "I killed a leaf ninja. I killed him, and he didn't need to die. I was supposed to save him!"

I leaned my head over her shoulder and let a sigh escape. To let her know that I was with her, and didn't despise her. She had been working with Tsunade in the hospital for years now, and I know that she has lost patients before, so I knew that it was more then a failed attempt to save life.

"Tell me everything, every detail, and every word." I rock her gently back and forth. She wiped her eyes and used her sleeve to blow her nose. She hyperventilated slightly, and I whispered to breathe to her. She did, and calmed down somewhat.

"It was a mission failed, and four teams were critically wounded. About five died on the mission. They were attacked on the way back. I used up most of my chakra sealing most of the nin, but as I got to my last patient, I was almost drained. I asked another girl to work on the last man for me as I monitored her. She was a beginner, and was nervous. The nin was unconscious and had a fever. She was doing well, and I was a few feet away from her, resting as she finished up." She started to shake, and I tightened my hold on her, urging her to continue. After a few deep breaths, she started again.

"He woke up then, and I didn't think any thing would happen. He was young and a chuunin. But he was delirious, and as he woke up, he had a feral look in his eyes. I didn't react in time as he pulled a kunai from his holster and attacked the med student. He had her gripped by the throat and was about to stab her through. I didn't think, I never think!" She cried and hunched further into herself. "I ran between the two and used my chakra strength to choke him with one hand, and grab his other and pull it in front of him. But I made a mistake. I used too much strength, like I used on the trees. That damned power Tsunade taught me. I didn't hold back any of my strength or think what I was doing. I was just acting out of instinct. Before I knew it, his neck had broken and my fingers were deep in his throat. What's worse is that I had taken his own hand with the kunai and shoved it clear through his own chest. My arm was caught in his ribs. He was dead, and I was drenched in his blood. I am stained with innocent blood, and I am dirty."

I sat as still as I could as she screamed out her pain. I felt a tear of my own run down my cheek. A tear for her pain. I was quiet for a while, waiting for her to compose herself to listen to what I had to say. But what could I say; to help her mend back into the Sakura I loved most?

Sitting at the tree, I thought of what that small girl told me so long ago. Maybe I could use her innocent wisdom to help Sakura. Repay the girl by helping another.

"Is the girl alive?" I ask. She nods. "Then why are you so upset?"

She turned angry green eyes on me, a ferocious snarl on her lips. "I killed the man. A young man who didn't know what he was doing. I could have just subdued him or knocked him out, but I killed him. I had no reason to take an innocent life!" She fisted her hand in my vest, but loosened her hold as tears started to fall again.

I leaned back against the tree and sighed loud enough for her to hear. Stroking her hair, I pulled her back against me.

"When all my friends died, and I felt like dying myself, I came to this very spot to hopefully let my life slip away. I had no reason to live, and I thought I had killed my loved ones. But a small girl came to me, and told me something that had me thinking." I stopped stroking her hair as I thought of the small girl. "She said, in the most innocent of ways, 'I won't be staining my hands if I am using them to save. Destroying stains, but saving cleanses.' I may not use my hands to mend bodies and save a dying soul, but I do use my strength to destroy those who destroy, thus saving innocent lives and cleansing my own.

"You may have killed that man, but either way, he is dead. You did what you had to do, and in the end, that young girl is alive. Shinobi die every day, but that doesn't mean that you murdered him. Like you said, you ran on instinct, and did what came natural to you. You saved that girl, and maybe saved the man from having to live with the pain of killing the girl, if he had. Look underneath the underneath. You did nothing wrong, and no one will ever hate you for it."

She was crying again, and I wondered if I said the wrong thing. I didn't want to hurt her more, just tell her the truth. It was either the girl, or the ninja.

"My," she choked, "my mother used to tell me that same thing. That destroying stains and saving cleanses. When she died, I forgot about that. It's canny that you know it too." Yes, it was canny, that I heard it from that little girl, who heard it from her mother.

My previous thoughts of Sakura being the little girl were even more possible. I thought of the carving on the tree, and leaned foreword. "I was wounded that night, long ago, and the little girl gave me a reason to live again. That night, when I felt lost and lonely, she said to me, that she would love me. I was her mysterious ninja friend. And I loved her for that. She even gave me a reminder." I turned around pulling Sakura with me and faced her towards the tree. "There," I said, pointing toward the words. "She reminds me every day I see this that I always have some one loving me."

She reached out her hand and touched the words, carefully like she was scared. I watched her, and felt her start to cry again. Why would she cry?

"Kakashi," she whispered, and turned slightly in my lap to run her fingers along my cheek. It was a familiar touch, and I leaned against her hand. Softly, hesitantly, she kissed my other cheek and smiled. "Thank you." She smiles a tear streaked smile. "It was me, which was with you that night. I come here often to remember my ninja friend. I'm glad I finally get to meet you." She hugs my neck and laughs. "And I still love you, always."

I hug her to me and laugh a bit myself. I am glad it is Sakura, glad that I get to finally know. I had always had an affection for her, always loved the little girl and now woman. She had been my friend for years, and I had never forgotten. Feeling high, my heart pounded against my ribs, and I crushed her slight body to mine. I released her though, when she gasped and cringed.

She held her side, and pulled a hand away covered with fresh blood. There was a gash in her side from a knife of sorts. "When I took his arm and pushed it in front of me, it caught me, but I had forgotten about it." She said and shrugged like it was no big deal. I curse my stupidity for not noticing the still bleeding wound earlier.

I look at the shallow cut and lift her shirt up a bit. Taking my thigh holster off, she watches my hands as they unwrapped the bindings. She held her shirt up as I took gentle care in wrapping the linen around her ribs and back, just under her breasts, and one up her shoulder to keep it in place. I am glad for my mask; for I know that my cheeks were cherry red. "The role has been switched." She says. I look up as I finish examining my work. "This time, you save me." She still holds her shirt up a bit, but smiles down at me. I smile back, thinking the exact same thing. We met here first as strangers, and met again as friends.

"So, are you going to disappear in shadow with parting advice, or is it my turn?" I ask. She quirks her brow at me and puts her shirt down.

"Huh, what do you mean?"

"When you left that night, it looked like you wereevelopedin shadows." I looked to her from the side and grinned. "And it was you who started my reading Icha Icha in the first place. You said your dad read it and that I should too."

She squeaked and covered her mouth. "Wha...what? You mean your perverted habit is my entire fault?" she cried out. "What was I thinking? I was such an ignorant fool!" She collapsed back against my chest and hid her face in her hands. "I was an idiot child."

I laughed and hugged her playfully. "Yes, but an adorable one." She glared up at me and stuck out her tongue. I laugh again, seeing the child she still is.

"You know," She sits up and digs around in her side pouch. "Last year, I had been looking over your shoulder as you read it, and I was a little interested in what I saw." She pulled out a small book and took off the extra blank cover. My eye widened as I saw Icha Icha Paradise written on it. Had she been reading such a novel? "It's very interesting. I rather enjoy it, though sometimes I would like to punch Jiraiya for writing such disgracing smut. In fact, I have actually learned a bit from it."

"Really, and what could you learn from this 'smut'." Hey, what couldn't you learn from that level of detailed smut? Sakura shouldn't be learning anything from it! Geeze, we have both influenced each other without even knowing it.

She stills in my lap and opens the book flipping through pages. "Well, I learned one thing, but I have never really tried it." I should hope not. Really, I couldn't imagine Sakura doing any of the things written in it. She is just too innocent. Even at eighteen, I still can't think of her getting down and dirty with another man.

My thoughts stop as she turns around to me on her knees. Her added height dwarfs me slightly, and I feel a bit intimidated and even interested. What could be on her mind?

Well, what ever she was thinking, I would never guess. Before I knew what had happened, her soft fingers had slipped between my mask and pulled it down. She didn't rush, but my mind seemed to be occupied with her eyes, green seductive eyes that held me to her will. I didn't even know my mask was gone until her lips found mine in the most pleasant and innocent of kisses. A sensual kiss with soft hands cupping my face as an added bonus.

It was over as soon as it started, and I was left craving. Craving something. Sakura pulled back and smiled seductively and innocently. I don't know how she could do both, but she did. "And that's what I learned." She said with a smack of her lips and a playful wink. Oh, were did my dignity go? My morals have eloped with my conscience, never to be the same again.

"What was that?" I ask distractedly. I still can't figure out what had happened, or what was happening inside me. I snap out of it as she gives me a triumphant grin.

"That a woman can surprise and claim a man as easily as touch and love."

I shake my head a bit, sorting out her words and kisses. Sakura blushes and stands back up. I follow her in a daze. What was I feeling, and what was she feeling. She had always been my student. The girl I trained then watch grow. But it wasn't till now, after seeing her sensual gaze towards me, that I have seen her as a real, touchable woman.

And I wanted to touch her. The want scared me. Should I want my own student, even previous student?

Can I want my teammate and friend? Am I ready to open my self up to another?

"Kakashi?" She inquires with a hint of regret in her voice as she looks upon my blank, gabbing expression. How am I to react to something like that? "I'm sorry if I upset you, but I have been quite attracted to you for a while. And finding out you and my ninja were the same just made it stronger. I promise I won't do it again, just don't get mad at me." She looks close to tears as she turned away. And I think to myself, could I want my friend like I would want a woman?

When you think about it, she has loved me for years, and I have loved her back. It has been an innocent love for so long, and like any strong human emotion, can in time, grow to be so much more. I feel I should take the opportunity to gain, and not think so much on the past and my own fears. I should look instead, at a futur happiness. I could have one, if I tried.

And iIshould try, at least, for both our sakes.

SoI look at her,really looked, and saw an adult, a grown capable woman, and thought of all we have been through together. And what I feel for her now. Craving, need, affection.

There was a new craving and new kind of want for her. I could feel a desperate need now, like I had never felt. Love? I loved her as a friend, and I wanted her, so maybe a deep emotional love could be developed over time. And when I thought of it, really thought about it, I couldn't see her with another guy, but with me.

I was free, or at least felt it, to be loved. The last time, I couldn't even know her name in fear of another lose. But now, I felt the freedom. Maybe I could finally let some one in just a little bit deeper, and not have to fear death breaking us apart and breaking again my soul. This time around, I feel ready to take on what ever life deals me. Whether it's a long life of passion, or a short burst of astonishing world burning flames. Either one, I felt ready for.

But as I turned back to her, she was crying softly. I cursed myself for thinking to much and being a complete idiot. I had to stop using all those descriptor words. Do I have to strip every thing down to its barest core just to understand it? God! And I hated making her cry.

"Sakura," I say softly. She makes a small noise but doesn't look up. I don't know what to say to her, and never really knew how. Should I say something corny or romantic? Should I quote Icha Icha? I mentally shake my head no. I was never really good at words, but maybe I should just do something.

I am still for a second as I think of what to do. What to do? I don't know. If I am to show her, I have to DO something like she did. Ah, what, what, what?

Like she did, der.

I could have hit my head against the tree for not thinking of it sooner. Sakura had shown me with a kiss, so maybe I could try it. I could already feel the emotions in my veins pushing me forwards. The excitement of being able to touch her, want her, and taste her again had me swiftly making my way to her. Needing her and craving her. My deepest want.

It only takes me two long steps to wrap one arm around her waist and the other to tangle in her falling hair. I don't leave her time to take a breath as I clutch her tight against me and force her top body back words all the while taking her mouth in a hungry domineering manor. I kiss her, ravage her lips and mouth. I fed my cravings, and relished in my want as she took just as much from me. It was a battle of caresses, and I couldn't get enough of it.

Would I ever get enough of it, now that I tasted what I had always wanted?

Does it matter?

I shut out my questions as I focus on Sakura beneath me. We pull away from each other, and I realize that some how we had fallen to the ground. My arm was still trapped underneath her which made her back arch and body slide against mine. I pulled my arm out and used it to wipe hair from her face.

Her green eyes looked into mine and I could see that little girl again. A little girl who grew up into a beautiful woman. A woman I found my self wanting, and slowly needing.

I never knew I could feel this way for her. The thought never even came close to crossing my mind. But now that I think of it, I can see myself with her.

I don't think of a future. For a shinobi, any thing could happen. So I think of now, the present. I can live with that. I can take and give to her for now. What comes tomorrow will come, but for now I should just accept this new found affection and need.

I smile down at her, and she smiles right back. "Sorry, I'm not much of a rolling in the dirt kind of fellow. I like the soft, padded sort of environment." I kiss her neck quickly and pull her up with me as I stand.

"We could go back to my house." She says shyly. I laugh as I wrap my arm around her to pull her close. "No," I say. "I think we should both go to our homes. There is no need to rush anything. Besides," I say as we start walking. It is odd walking so close to her, but I feel that with each step, I find it more enjoyable. Is thishow itfeels to enjoy another?Simply being with them? Either way, i findI am starting to like it."I'd rather we take it a bit slow, maybe be old fashioned and actually talk before riding the horse." Ah, now I get corny.

She giggles and hugs my chest. Her grasp loosens though, as she seems to think of something. "So does that mean publicly date?" I nod, but it doesn't cheer her up. "I have wanted you for a long time now, Kakashi, but I never told you because I was either too young, or afraid. I'm still afraid, of what Naruto and Sasuke will say, of what every one will say."

"Who gives a damn about what every one else thinks? It never bothers me. People always seem to have to say something, but that doesn't mean you have to listen to them."

She sighs and nods her head. "But if every one dislikes it, they might do something…"

I cut her off as I pulled her off her feet and kissed her soundly. "They won't do anything if they valued their lives." I growled against her lips. I'd be damned if they took her away from me with out a fight. After all I have done and sacrificed for the village, they would have another thing coming if they take her from me. Not after I just opened up after so many lonely years. "It's up to you if you want to tell every one, it's not like I ever tell them personal stuff any ways. They can say what ever they want, but I won't let you go unless you want to go."

Sakura kisses me again and grins. "Maybe I could really love you." She whispered into my ear. Shivers race down my spine and I grin back at her. Two could play the foreplay game.

Softly, I bite at her ear, purring in the back of my throat as I drug my fingers hard down her back. She let a high squeak/moan escape as she grabbed my hair and raised herself to her tiptoes. "Maybe," I growl back, agreeing with her while I lift her into both arms. I took off into the trees with Sakura laughing like crazy against my chest as I raced back to the village. My own laughter was like wind to wings. So very free.

And I can't wait for tomorrow.

_In the end, it's a chance to take for happiness. And endings take acceptance._

XxX

**That's the finale chapter. For those who reviewed, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I was nervous as hell to put this story out, asi have never written a Naruto before. And it made it worse thati've only read five mangas, and watch onlyup to the beggining of the chuunin examin anime. Every thingI know, is whatI have learned from reading other storiesand some minor research. So, how'dI do, with so little knowlege? Lol thanks again. Seriously.**

**And if you want to see a picture of what Sakura looks like, follow the link below, but take out the swirly thing and space. If it doesn't work, message me. You would love to see it. I promise you. I found it while searching Google for like six hours strait. Uh, too long. Just in case, I have no ownership of the pic. If you know who it is, tell me and I'll put the name down. I just wanted to use it as reference.**

**http/ img. v364/blahishishness/ beckycard.jpg**

**Laters**

**Ymir-chan**


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